The People Who Fill Your Cup (And Why That Matters More Than Your Next Hire)

Author: Felice Upton | Connect on LinkedIn
Published October 20, 2025

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately.

Not networking. Not transactional connections. Not the "let me add you on LinkedIn because you might be useful someday" kind. Not the ones that will leave when you face hard periods and suddenly reappear when they need something. As a person who has had a lot at times and very little at other times it becomes clear who is in it for the right reasons. Find those people- they are the ones.

I mean the real ones. The relationships that fill your cup when it's empty. The people who show up when you're winning and when you're losing. When you have everything to offer and when you're running on fumes. The ones who have hugs that feel like sunshine and who you meet for coffee and end up with a sore stomach and wondering why your face hurts from all the smiling and laughing.

Here's What I Keep Coming Back To:

In business, we've somehow convinced ourselves that every interaction needs a purpose. A strategic outcome. A measurable ROI.

But what if the point is just... people?

Learning From My Own Season

This year, I've been on the other side of the hiring table for the first time in a long time. After over a decade in roles where I did high-volume hiring—prison work has some of the highest turnover you can imagine, I thought I understood the process and took a lot of pride in ensuring that I always reached out when someone wasn't a good fit for that position but had a lot to offer and/or I just wanted to know them.

Turns out, experiencing it as a candidate taught me even more.

I've talked to recruiters who made me laugh. Who asked about my kids. Who were genuinely curious about my experience, not just checking boxes. I didn't get those jobs, but I gained people I genuinely enjoy knowing. I'll refer talented people to them. I'll grab coffee with them. Not because I'm hoping for something, but because they're good humans doing their work with integrity. Not every job is meant for me...and that's ok.

There's one organization I'd never even heard of before this year. I didn't get the position. But the professionalism, the humanity, the respect they showed throughout their process? I'll likely be a lifelong supporter and donor. They earned something far more valuable than my employment; they earned my respect and my advocacy. I will hope to partner with them and have reached out to the new CEO to congratulate them. They selected the right candidate at the right time.

And Then There's The Other Side

I've also experienced the silence. The ghosting. The automated rejections that feel like you've been processed by a machine. This year has sucked for a lot of people. Like really sucked... and it wasn't that long ago the shoe was on the other foot. Post pandemic leaders poured into hiring strategies, worried about swag and attracting candidates and then suddenly the market floods and BAM forgot what you just went through?

One organization where I'd volunteered, donated, and been a vocal supporter couldn't even pick up the phone to tell me I wasn't moving forward. Just... nothing. And in that silence, they didn't just lose a candidate. They lost a supporter, an advocate, and honestly, a lot of my respect. When I emailed a week after the stated date, they'd get back to me I got a canned rejection email. If an org is that chaotic maybe they aren't paying attention to other important things?

You're Not Too Important to Be Kind

Here's what I wish every hiring manager and recruiter understood:

You're not too busy to be decent. You're not too important to treat people like people. And honestly? You should be having fun with this. Getting to talk to interesting humans, learn their stories, understand what makes them tick, that's a gift, not a burden. Enjoy the time, find connection.

When I was leading teams of hundreds, I made it a point to call candidates whenever I could. Not because it was efficient. Not because it had a strategic purpose. But because these were real people who'd taken time to imagine a future with our team. They deserved more than a form email or radio silence.

Did it take more time? Yes. Was it always convenient? No. But here's what happened: I learned from every single conversation. I met people who taught me things. I built relationships that mattered, even when the job didn't work out. Some of them worked for me later. Some of them did cool projects with me.

The Talent Market is Cyclical. Your Character Isn't.

Right now, maybe you're flooded with qualified candidates. Maybe you can afford to be selective, even dismissive.

But seasons change. The market shifts. And the people you're ignoring today? They'll remember. So will everyone they know. As a one of my mentors liked to say years ago, the person you walk on today may be connected to the ass you try to kiss tomorrow. They'll remember so if you can't be a good person just because it's fun... do it strategically and get some help.

More importantly, and this is the part we forget...you might actually enjoy getting to know people just because they're interesting. Not because you need them. Not because they fit a role. But because learning from people, all kinds of people, makes you better.

What I'm Taking Forward

Whether I'm hiring again someday or forever on this side of the table, I'm remembering this:

Every person who takes the time to apply, to interview, to hope, they're giving you something valuable. Their time. Their vulnerability. Their trust that you'll treat them with dignity.

That's not something to take lightly. Don't be a d@#k! You may not always be on that side of the table friend.

So maybe let's bring back the phone calls. The genuine curiosity. The "thank you for your time" that actually means it. Let's remember that we're all just people trying to do meaningful work and be treated with respect along the way.

The relationships that fill your cup? They're built in these moments. Not after you get the job. Not when someone can do something for you. But in how you show up when you have nothing to gain.

What's a time someone treated you with unexpected kindness in a professional setting? I'd genuinely love to hear your stories. If you are a job seeker right now, I see you and am sending you huge human hugs. This s@#t sucks. I hope you find THE role that values you and treats you like the dang unicorn candidate and employee you are.